As alot of you who follow me know that my family and I have been trying to make our way out West for a few weeks. Partly for work and partly for play. We started our trip heading to the Mid-west to visit family for a few days and decided to get some things checked on our school bus that we travel in. They found a few things that needed fixed. So instead of a half day job it turned into a few day job.
The day we were supposed to leave was a little disheartening. Finding that they couldn't fix the problem that day, but maybe tomorrow. We decided to try to find things to bide our time, but I had an underlying frustration that we weren't on our way yet, and we were losing precious time out climbing the Rockies or scrambling boulders in Utah. Needless to say it caused some friction between me and my family members. I would tell myself that its okay, nothing I can do about the situation. Act mature, handle this like a pro. But of course I didn't! Found myself reverting back to 5 year old tactics to try and solve my frustration. That didn't go over well! :) So the next day came and still not finished! It started to wear on my self worth. I started in on the self defeating questions: "Was everything I am trying to accomplish a complete waste of time?" "Should I even be doing this?" Yada Yada Yada. You know the drill. It continued till the end of the day when the shop finally called and said that we could take her west!
Oh sweet relief! So we headed out late in the day and started westward. Ending in Illinois for the night. The next day we started out and noticed some noise. Not too much to worry about we thought. Then after a few more hours we hear sounds coming from the clutch that don't sound very promising. We got to Newton, Iowa and had to stop. It was Sunday and we were lucky enough to find a highway side RV park. So we stopped there. Called our roadside assistant and they said no mechanic could come out because of it being Sunday and the next day was a holiday. They weren't sure if they could get someone. So here I was again. This time in the middle of Iowa, drizzly, grey, nothing but corn and highway surrounding us. What was I going to choose? I could always resort back to the 5 year old like the day before or I could "surrender" to the experience. So I choose to try something different. Surrender.
The day and circumstances didn't change, but I felt better. I actually didn't mind the confinement of being in the bus all day long, trying to make the best of the situation. I enjoyed my time with my family. We even had some fun and laughs. There is a quote that says "There isn't pain in change, only pain in resistance to change." How often I resist what is happening and how much pain I cause myself and everyone around me. Instead if I just surrender to what is, things go a whole lot smoother and much more enjoyable. My aunt said, "Often times life isn't linear" and how true that is. I think my life is more like a scribble. Twisting and turning and circling back around here and there and I can try and resist but if I just go with it, life is so much smoother.
So as I write this we are sitting in the shop as they work on our bus. And to be honest I feel content. Hopeful we will still make it west but if not then I will surrender to that and try to go with what comes!
Happy Trails!
Jess
